To the tune of Cool for Cats

 (with all apologies to Difford and Tillbrook)

1.

The jingles and the mingles that were promised in the card

Will all go undetected by the boys from Scotland Yard

The wankers at the party, they might get an OBE

And nothing will be done about the fast track PPE

Boris laughed at all the nurses and he laughed at you and me

And we haven’t even started on the parties in his flat

And everybody knows it’s cos we’re run by Tory twats

It's Tory twats (Tory twats)

2.

Nadine is on the lagers 'cause she’s got the word to go

She’s been promised a sweet peerage by a fat Lothario

But Rishi’s put the kybosh on the changes to her name

And Boris shoved some new young blonde into the honours frame

It's funny how his missus always look the bleeding same

And meanwhile in the video there's a couple of likely lads

Who are breaking their own lockdown cos they’re evil Tory twats

They're Tory twats (Tory twats)

3.

To change the mood a little I've been going down the pub

Cos until the next election, I’ll be feeling in the dumps

I fancy clothes, I fancy heat, I can’t afford the gas

I get a little food in but I spend a load of cash

And all I feel is bitter and I end up on the lash

And by the time I'm sober I've forgotten why I’m sad

And then I turn the news on and I see the Tory twats

The tory twats (Tory twats)

4. 

Shape up at the foodbank and there’s nurses in the queue

The morgues are full of corpses and the river’s full of poo

Rishi’s in his chopper cos he wants to miss a vote

Suella’s on the telly and she’s yelling stop the boats

I go to scream myself but it just sticks inside my throat

The media lead the way in distorting all the facts

Cos All you see on telly is a bunch of Tory twats

The tory twats.....