Mission Complete - the 365daychallenge

Fucking hell, we did it.

I wrote in May about what made me set out on this epic trek into foolishness. A lot of things happened to me in 2018, not all of them brilliant. A low ebb thus reached, and without the prospect of The Ghost of New Year Yet to Come to show me the potential for self-improvement and change, I set out on making my corner of Twitter somewhere to visit, park your arse and respond to a daily question.

Initially the challenge of the title was an in-joke with me, the famed dreamer, the fabled failer of projects, pipe-dreams and plans. Could I really see this through till Dec 31?

Well, I did. Or rather we did. If we've achieved nothing else (and my greatest hope for all of this was to emulate the brilliant comment made by Viz creator Simon Donald - "no one has ever put down a copy of Viz any cleverer than they were before picking it up")* - then we've made friends, built a little community of people with little in common other than looking out for a silly question on Twitter each day to respond to.

We started out highbrow with questions about getting pissed with the Mr Men and which country do you think is shaped like a celebrity (Belgium is shaped like Godzilla) and never really got any deeper or more profound than that.

Some stats for you erm stats fans - the challenge has been viewed overall over 7 million times so far this year. The most viewed question was by Kate Andrews (k8andrews) who innocently asked "Why is your best friend your best friend?" - seen by 167,230 people so far. The most replies (1,074) was to a challenge giving you the means of finding your Victorian villain name.

I've had countless (well, at least 8) messages telling me how much they look forward to the challenge each day, how they've found new "virtual" friends online and connected with people. People have asked me how I cope with that many notifications a day (clue - quiet, undignified spells of weeping and lots of tea) and am I going to continue in 2020?

Well, we've done it once. We can do it again. If you have a question that hasn't been asked before, DM it to me and we'll put it to the people.

Proper actual journo Dorian Lynskey recently described the challenge as like a "dream radio phone-in". That single comment made me smile more than anything else this Christmas. I do feel like a host of some tiny radio show in a remote community, regular callers, in-jokes and all of that. It's like my dream job really.

So many people to thank.

@BigPaulinWales for being the first challenge regular to meet me in the flesh and for his perfect set of questions to end the year.

@zellishrose, @Rover9495, @TheStevenThomas, @JuiceTerry, @deanoB24 and all the other regular question contributors.

Thanks to @k8andrews for the most popular question of the year. Thanks to @drunkenbutcher for becoming our first resident expert.

Thanks as ever to the "lads" @michaelglasper, @nalaknip and @riffraffhands.

Thanks to @cherryaimless and @sgtrendall for hosting in my absence. Thanks to @NickPettigrew for the love and support. Thanks to all of you who trusted me with DM responses along the lines of "I can't say this out loud but this happened" - I have alerted the authorities and await huge cash rewards.

Thanks also to @DuncanMcVey for his questions, enthusiasm and suggestions, @KathyBurke and @jamajestical for bigging it up whenever possible. Thanks to @MariaDonovanWri for being inspirational and @Sianz for being the person who innocently told me in 2011 that I should join Twitter.

Thanks to everyone who replied, retweeted, shared and enjoyed the challenges. I was the Shit Ratio King of 2019 and I loved it.

And last, but by no means least, my daughter Martha who recently asked if "I was doing that stupid thing again next year."

Yes, Martha, I am. I'm very sorry.

Accept no substitute, this is the premier question-a-day-with-a-shit-hashtag game on the internet.

A very happy New Year to you all. Look out for the imaginatively titled #366daychallenge hashtag in 2020.

Yours

Paul

* I can't find the exact quote. It's something like that by someone like that.

400 Steps - Update One - No Treasure But Hope

A few friends of mine have got in touch with me since my last blog post. They want to know what it is I’m doing to make these final 400 days of my forties happier, healthier ones.

I’m 23 days into abstaining from alcohol. This is the hardest time of the year to contemplate knocking booze on the head and the sobering blow of the General Election threatened to topple me early on but I’m glad I’ve done it. Do I feel happier? Ironically I feel sad that that part of my life is over for now. I was a heroic drinker at my peak but there were many troughs and no longer having to deal with the aftermath of those is better than any intoxication.

Things I’ve done in the first week.

I’ve tidied and Christmas decorated my flat. A tree, lights and cards everywhere. I cleaned my oven. I packed a box full of clothes to donate to the homeless. I’ve done my Christmas shopping.

I had to do this online as I had two panic attacks on the occasions I tried to go into town.  One of them was a proper full blown grip the walls bastard – the type I thought I’d left behind a while back.

Inadvertently I confessed the full extent of my anxiety problems to my mum. Something I didn’t think I could ever do. We spoke about the mental health issues my family have faced down the years. I felt like I knew and understood my parents better afterwards.

I spoke to my son for three hours. I don't see him very often. He lives hundreds of miles away and we do not see eye to eye on some things but we connected and we spoke about his own children and meeting up soon. I talked about the reasons I find it hard to see him sometimes and we seemed to be in a better place at the end of it.

I spoke to my three best friends, each of whom are seriously ill. You may draw your own conclusion as to whether or not I am the cause of these illnesses. Each of them, and many other people I’ve spoken to are struggling right now with facing the reality of what is to come. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this is the closest this country has come to electing an openly fascist government. And by a landslide too. People who are dependent on the NHS and other public services are genuinely scared. Those of us who want a country that acts up to the values and standards it proclaims it already has are fearful of fresh depths being plumbed. How do I, how can any of us begin to try to claw our way back to happiness in times like these?

I guess that in the end all we have is each other. That’s our strength to draw on, our winter fuel. The nights already are shortening, eventually Spring will return us to the long days and the bird-filled skies. For now, there’s no treasure but hope. Hold on to that. Hold on to one another. As long as we have that strength, the ability to support each other, then we can be sure that, just like the leaves on the trees, the good times will one day return and love will win.

Merry Christmas.

Paul.

The 400 Steps

“I miss the comfort in being sad.” – KURT COBAIN.

So, I’ve got 400 days left of my forties.

This is the kind of shit my brain tortures me with when I can’t sleep. I work stuff out like that. I recall each of the 92 Football League clubs in alphabetical order. Then the US states in alphabetical order. Sometimes I set myself new challenges. A 26 word sentence where each word begins with a consecutive letter of the alphabet.

Alan Brazil can drink eleven Fosters, go home in Jackie Kennedy’s lost minicab, nosh off pancakes, quails, radish sandwiches then urinate violently whilst x-raying young zebras.

That sort of thing.

Because if I think about that, I’m not thinking about any of the other stuff. The no money stuff. The health stuff. The alone stuff.

I wake up tired every morning.

So, the other night, I worked out how many days I have left of my wretched forties. And it’s 400 today. I’ve decided to try and do something each day to improve my life in some small way. A small step towards making sure my fifties are happy, healthy and productive. 400 steps.

It’s not been a great start. I had about five hours sleep and have just eaten a sausage bap. Brown sauce mind so it was lush.

The first thing I’m going to do is start challenging my mind-set. I had counselling for depression a few years back and I arrogantly told the counsellor – “I’m too self-conscious for CBT.” Is that arrogance? I don’t know, I was trying to say that I felt I was far too self-aware to be capable of listening to brave new core beliefs.  Like the voice in my head the whole day long is so confident, so loud, I can’t just pretend he isn’t there.

Because that’s the problem. I don’t believe I’m good enough for any of the things I know I’m capable of. And usually that’s something I manage to live with because I internalise it for the greater part. I try not to lash out at people, I think I’ve shouted in anger maybe three times in the last ten years.  I haven’t thrown a punch in over twenty years. But I still make mistakes and sometimes I say things online that I’m not proud of. Especially since Thursday.

The election result was more than a kick to the bollocks, it was like someone dragging your soul out of your eyes and kicking that in the bollocks and then stuffing it back down your throat. It wasn’t like that just for me of course, there’s millions of us feeling like it. I spoke to friends over the weekend who felt suicidal about it, people with serious health issues who rely on public services for a dignified existence.

We have all got to look out for one another, this will be a long, dark winter. Community still exists but we’ve got to show ourselves some love as individuals too. So that’s what I’m going to try. Every day I’m going to do something small for myself, even if it’s just something as simple as going for a walk for an hour to clear my thoughts and get some exercise in the bargain. I hope each day I’ll get fitter physically and mentally. I want to feel alive again and sleep without memory games or worries.

Anyway, I’ll be doing updates here with the hashtag #400steps. If it inspires you to make any positive changes in your life then wow fuck that’s great. If it doesn’t hey well then that’s cool also. I figure sharing it makes sense to me as a record of where I was and where I’m heading.

I don’t know why I put that Nirvana quote there but I was humming it on the bus. Which explains why I had the seat to myself. Unless I was humming in another way...

Banksy.

THERE’S A NEW BANKSY PIECE!!

Banksy is shit.

 I see you Banksy. I see you. With your supposed guerrilla art (remember the gorilla stuff – how we laughed). Oh he’s got two coppers engaged in a gay kiss. That’ll smash the establishment, that’ll make the Duke of Edinburgh choke on his swan smoothie. Fuck off. Banksy is shit. Another conman raking it in from the ever-gullible middle classes, forever in love with anything faux-rebel.

Remember those Keep Calm and Carry on T-shirts? They became very popular amongst the young chattering classes after the London riots of 2011. All those dickheads with dustpans, come to clear up the gentrified rubble they helped create, with their “not me guv” faces and their Elbow badges. This is Banksy’s audience.

By hijacking a slogan from World War 2, these people ironically set this country off on its fake-memory optimism that was necessary to make the Brexit they claim to abhor happen.

I was born a quarter of a century after the war ended. My grandad fought in it and never spoke of it. The television never stopped speaking of it. Every weekend there were war films on. The comic book ranks were filled with Commando and Tommy and various other animated stories of heroism. TV dramas like Colditz (which became a board game too I think) were common place. It was everywhere. We could even laugh at it (a bit) with Dad’s Army and Allo Allo.

Anyway, as a little kid we didn’t actually learn anything about World War 2 in school. The single most permeating cultural flavour in our lives and we knew nothing about it. Apart from taking in shorthand through TV and film that somehow Britain won the war against Hitler who killed Jews.

One could argue, quite reasonably, that it’s probably best not to talk about the Holocaust or Hiroshima or any of the many horrors of that conflict to small children. But we did nothing about it. We played War at playtime and the unpopular kids were Nazis and had to die if shot. There was a World War 2 German Action Man figure with a scar down his cheek – scars down cheeks being shorthand for Nazi Bastard.

I was the last kid to do O-Level History and I did the causes of World War Two.  We didn’t much do anything about the war itself, mostly just the build-up – Versailles, the Great Depression etc. We did Chamberlain’s appeasement. We did a lot on that. We didn’t do the Mitford sisters, Viscount Rothermere or the Royals performing Nazi salutes in home movies. That isn’t what we want our kids to know.

We didn’t do anything about the Blitz or Dunkirk. We didn’t do anything about British suffering, just our part in victory. And I sometimes think that this is part of why we are where we are today. The creation of the NHS, the welfare state, decent social housing, all of this provided the bedrock for the creation, generations later, of a mass middle class. They look at their degree certificates, their books, their Banksy prints and tell themselves that they know all there is to know about the world.

If we’d studied more the horrors of war, the actual suffering of ordinary British people, learnt from an early age the real narrative of the second World War, then I think people wouldn’t be so keen to latch on to it as some kind of cultural lodestone to show the way to future prosperity. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.  Or, as Banksy would probably say, Ignorance is Blitz and have some kind of ironic bomb blast illuminating a gorilla with a swastika armband on as a kind of arch comment against eating meat or something. On the side of a closed down bank to own the fash.

I just really hate Banksy is all.

365 Day Challenge - questions for July to September

Below are the questions for July to September of the internet phenomenon/cultural behemoth/almost legendarily pointless waste of time that is the #365DayChallenge

January to March questions are here.

And April to June's are here.

Jul 1: Have you ever tried to recreate a scene from a movie? Did you try and do the Leo and Kate scene on the pros of the Gosport-Portsmouth ferry etc? 

Jul 2: I’m asking you for your personal horse related anecdotes. 

BONUS QUESTION - Which book had the single greatest impression on your life??
 

Jul 3: What was the sporting event that broke your heart?

 

BONUS QUESTION - What time is love?

 

Jul 4: GUEST QUESTION  from @ohnoitsafauda - Have you ever fallen out with a good/best friend?  

Jul 5: GUEST QUESTION  from @fifedawg84 - What piece of music or song in a film elevated that film to classic status in your eyes?

 

BONUS QUESTION - Can you dance? Who is the best dancer you personally know?

 

Jul 6: Have you got any weird, unexplainable mind associations?

Jul 7: Do you have any odd food based rituals/habits? Like do you have to have bread and butter with every meal or always eat crisps after chocolate?

Jul 8: GUEST QUESTION  from @SantiagoJones - Which celebrity do you think you’d be best mates with and why?

Jul 9: What’s the one film scene that makes you laugh every time you see it? 

Jul 10: What is the most romantic journey you have ever made? 

Jul 11: GUEST QUESTION  from @PeterEvans12 - What is the best cover story you’ve had to make for a purchase you probably shouldn’t have made?

BONUS QUESTION - You are the star of a new cop show. The name of the show is your surname. Your quirk/modus operandi is your best friend's most irritating habit.

 

Jul 12: GUEST QUESTION  from @drunkenbutcher - What is a great cooking tip that will make everyone's food better/easier?

Jul 13: Do you have any exes with claims to fame? 

Jul 14: Tell me your best France or French related anecdote.

Jul 15: GUEST QUESTION  from @zellishrose - Have you ever had an animal save you from impending doom or warn you of an incident like Lassie did in the movies?

Jul 16: GUEST QUESTION  from @Airlteig - When did you realise you were no longer a child?

Jul 17: GUEST QUESTION  from @Iannorris87-  Describe your life story in a 5-track chronological playlist. 

Jul 18: GUEST QUESTION  from @SantiagoJones - Is there a job you secretly fancy doing just for the uniform??

 

BONUS GUEST QUESTION from @Iannorris87 - Fill in the blanks for this five song fantasy DJ Set. Easy Starter. Build Up Tune. Crowd Pleaser. Pill Chaser. Change of Pace.
 

Jul 19: Which living celebrity would you most dread suddenly appearing on your doorstep? 

Jul 20: GUEST QUESTION  from @AcidGrandads - what's the worst thing that's happened to you in a job interview?  

Jul 21: What subject should they stop making films and tv shows about?

Jul 22: What is the most pointless thing you’ve ever bought and what are you doing with it now?

Jul 23: What's great about Britain? Tell me one thing or person or place that still makes you think this country's not doomed yet.
Jul 24: GUEST QUESTION  from @YPLAC - Which conspiracy theory do you actually think might have a grain of truth in it?

 

BONUS GUEST QUESTION from @haynesc - If you could turn any conspiracy theory into reality, what would you choose?

 

Jul 25: If you suddenly found yourself Prime Minister, which celebs are you appointing to the top Cabinet jobs?

Jul 26: What’s the most WTF sight you’ve woken up to? 

Jul 27: GUEST QUESTION  from @MarkFaulkner24 - What’s the strangest thing a celebrity has given you?

Jul 28: GUEST QUESTION  from @drunkenbutcher - What should we be able to import to and export from other countries that we don’t already ?  

Jul 29: GUEST QUESTION  from @das_munch - Is there a thing you like to do when you visit a new town, and you always do it without fail, in every new town you visit?

Jul 30: GUEST QUESTION  from @Mac1927 - What's the funniest really unfortunate thing that has happened to someone you know?

Jul 31: GUEST QUESTION  from @AlmadinaBen - If you could bring one deceased historical figure back to life, just to punch them right in the fucking face, who would it be and why?

Aug 1: GUEST QUESTION  from @sgt_rendall - When would YOU go back in time to so you could punch yourself in the face?
Aug 2: GUEST QUESTION  from @Travers2002 -Which fictional bar would you most like to get pissed in and with which fictional character?
Aug 3: GUEST QUESTION  from @Rover945 -What's the one thing you wish you could unsee?
Aug 4: Have you ever surprised someone with your nakedness?
Aug 5: What was the best thing to happen to you in the worst year of your life?
Aug 6: Have you got any friends whose kid(s) you secretly hate?
Aug 7: When was the last time you were the hero?
Aug 8: GUEST QUESTION  from @savoury99 -Write a ten word message from you today to you on your 18th birthday.
Aug 9: Who was your favourite cartoon character as a child?
Aug 10: GUEST QUESTION  from  @Nick_Pettigrew - What is the most spectacular way you've left a job?
Aug 11: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - What common pastime have you never tried?
Aug 12: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - Have you ever had to use an embassy whilst abroad?

BONUS QUESTION - What's the worst place you've ever been on holiday?

Aug 13: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - When was the last time you realised you'd misheard the lyrics to a song?
Aug 14: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - Have you ever had a group of people clap around you as you dance?
Aug 15: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - Which song do you hate by a band you love?
Aug 16: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - Has anyone ever made you a romantic mix tape and did it work?
Aug 17: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - What's the strangest thing to happen to you in the last 24 hours?
Aug 18: GUEST HOST - @sgt_rendall - Have you ever seen an act shortly before they died?
Aug 19: What's the most disappointing tourist attraction you have visited?

BONUS QUESTION - What attraction was better than you expected?

Aug 20: GUEST QUESTION  from  @jackkirby - Have you ever been in a band? If so, what were they called, what music did they play and what was your role?
Aug 21: GUEST QUESTION  from  @StephenMonk1970 - If you had to be captured on film by Google Street View, what street would you like to be on and what would you be doing?
Aug 22 - GUEST QUESTION  from  @RussettHimself - What is a song that people would be surprised you know all the words to?

BONUS GUEST QUESTION from @KarlEldridge1 - Have you ever walked in on either of your parents having sex?

Aug 23 - What's the biggest con?
Aug 24 - GUEST QUESTION  from  @NickDentsBrain - Who or what was way more beautiful than you had previously imagined when you saw it or them in real life?
Aug 25 - GUEST QUESTION  from  @matronboy - What is the best non-professional performance you've seen in real life?
Aug 26 - If you were left two million pounds in a will on the condition you gave half to ONE charity, who’s getting that half?
Aug 27 - Have you ever hitch hiked? If so, do you have any amazing/hair-raising anecdotes from your thumbing exploits?

BONUS GUEST QUESTION from @FifeDawg84 - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelled and what did the smell resemble?

Aug 28 - GUEST QUESTION  from @dogfrog - What organ, limb, prized possession, personal service, family member or combination of the above, would you stoop to sell to the highest bidder in the event of your nation state crumbling under economic and social ruin?
Aug 29 - Have you ever cried at a YouTube video?

BONUS QUESTION - Have you ever had sex at work?

Aug 30 - Can you do an impression of anyone?
Aug 31 - Have you ever had a complete collection of anything?

Sep 1: What’s the most you’ve ever gambled on something?
Sep 2: What is your favourite poem?
Sep 3: GUEST QUESTION  from @DoctorWarmflash -What's the most disappointed you've been on a night out?
Sep 4: GUEST QUESTION  from @_davebrown_  What's your favourite topical joke of yesteryear?
Sep 5: Have you or has anyone you know ever joined a religious order/cult/etc?
Sep 6: GUEST QUESTION  from @itsafauda - Whether you've been on Twitter 10 months or 10 years what, if anything, has it taught you?
Sep 7: GUEST QUESTION  from @OriginalPonk -What is your favourite moment of performed swearing?
Sep 8: If you could be friends with any sitcom character who would it be?
Sep 9: GUEST QUESTION  from  @zellishrose - If you were to write a novel, what would your main character be called and how would you describe them?
Sep10: Have you ever comforted a stranger? Or, has a stranger comforted you?
Sep 11: GUEST HOST - @drunkenbutcher- What do you always have in your kitchen for those drunk/hungry/broke moments and what do you make with it?
Sep 12: What's the best sleep you've ever had?

BONUS QUESTION - Have you ever been caught up in a mob/riot/stampede?

Sep 13: GUEST QUESTION  from @den_jw - Which obviously great song do you feel has worn thin due to over familiarity?
Sep 14: What’s the most common you’ve ever felt? Have you ever been somewhere so posh you’ve felt like a germ?
Sep 15: Which individual do you think bears most of the blame for this planet being a shithole?
Sep 16: GUEST QUESTION FROM @AshEley- What's your best wedding story
Sep 17: GUEST QUESTION FROM  - @TheStevenThomas - Have you ever received a text message which was obviously intended for someone else? What did it say?
Sep 18: GUEST QUESTION FROM - @drpaulitious- What is your favourite bus journey, where and why?
Sep 19: GUEST QUESTION FROM - @LucyB1974- Which song do you love, but hate every actual recording of?

BONUS QUESTION - What attraction was better than you expected?

Sep 20: GUEST QUESTION  from @duncanmcvey - Suggest replacement Bonds for the 1960s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s.

BONUS QUESTION - What song from each of the 60s, 70s etc would make a great Bond theme.

Sep 21: What’s the funniest thing a child has ever said to you?
Sep 22 - GUEST QUESTION  from @dmartw - What is your most disappointing celebrity experience?Sep 23 - GUEST QUESTION  from  @PeterEvans12 - Has anyone ever won an argument on Twitter? Or been persuaded to see someone else's point of view?


Sep 24 - GUEST QUESTION  from  @DeanoB24 - What build your own/complete/collect kit magazine available in 100 issues should they publish next?
Sep 25 - Which Tom Hanks character do you most identify with?
Sep 26 - GUEST QUESTION  from @duncanmcvey - Given the barmaid digs at Lady Hale, what were our first / most lowly jobs?
Sep 27 - GUEST QUESTION  from @iannorris87 - What’s the best sickie you’ve ever pulled?Sep 28 - What’s the best speech you’ve ever heard?


Sep 29 - GUEST QUESTION  from @den_jw - What one memorable line from a film sums your life up now?
Sep 30 - What’s the biggest fuck up you’ve ever made at work?
 

The 365 Day Challenge - Questions for April to June

Below are the questions for the first three months of the internet phenomenon/cultural behemoth/almost legendarily pointless waste of time that is the #365DayChallenge.

Link to questions Jan 1 - Mar 31

April 1: You are a Cabinet minister . What will be the personal scandal that brings you down?
April 2: If you had to perform a dance of your own invention on Strictly Come Dancing what would it be called?
April 3: What inanimate object in your house do you wish could talk?
April 4: Apart from less hours and more money, what single thing would improve your working day?
April 5: Your parents turn up unannounced. What’s the first thing you hide?
April 6: Do you have any non famous friends who look like famous people?
April 7: You are allowed to replace the Hollywood sign with nine letters of your choice.
April 8: What’s the one item of clothing from your past you wish you still owned?
April 9: What film do you most associate with your mother?
April 10: Have you ever dumped someone and gone on to massively regret it?
April 11: You make the front page of most of the newspapers tomorrow. What have you done?!!
April 12: What’s the most trivial thing you would reconsider a friendship over?
April 13: What is your favourite piece of trivial knowledge?
April 14: What’s the most surreal piece of shopping you’ve ever done?
April 15: What is the one joke you know that always makes you laugh?
April 16: What bit of common place knowledge still foxes you, but you’re too ashamed to ask in case you look like a giant numpty?
April 17: What are the secret nicknames you have for your work colleagues?
April 18: What’s the most pathetic way you have ever injured yourself?
April 19: If you could rename one country, what would you rename it?

BONUS QUESTION from @cherryaimless - What’s the best/worst thing you’ve eaten drunk after checking your fridge?

April 20: Have you ever been the reason for a party/bar/restaurant to go suddenly very silent?
April 21: What are the best biscuits?
April 22: If you had to write the 11th and 12th commandments - what would they be?
April 23: Who was the first person you followed on Twitter?
April 24: What food stuff do you most wish you hated the taste of?
April 25 You’re asked by your school to give a speech describing your time there – the stipulation is that the opening line is the opening line of a well known song – what song do you go for?
April 26: What’s the one journey you’d most like to make?
April 27: If you could say one thing to the Queen, without any recriminations, what would it be?
April 28: Who was the weirdest kid in your class at school?
April 29: What’s yer walk-on darts music?
April 30: What are the things that, in terms of you losing your rag, would take you straight from Def Con Five to Def Con One?

May 1: As it’s my Dads birthday please tell us of a time your dad embarrassed you.
May 2: On a night out, what's the furthest you've travelled between first drinks and waking up
May 3: In the sitcom of your life, what would be your catchphrase?
May 4: If you could hack into anyone’s account on Twitter (and let me say that a) such behaviour is wrong and b) this is supposed to be a silly game not an episode of The Moral Maze) - whose account would hack and what would your first tweet be?
May 5: What font sums you up best as a person?
May 6: GUEST QUESTION from @mickmuldoon - What’s the worst question you were asked in a job interview?
May 7: You’re allowed to parachute one person into North Sentinel Island. Who’s getting the short vacation?
May 8: What’s your favourite “please don’t let too many people find out about this place” erm place on earth?
May 9: If you could know the answer to one question, what would it be?
May 10: What referendum question WOULD bring Britain back together?
May 11: What do you most like about your appearance?
May 12: Have you ever broken something at someone else’s house?
May 13: If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go first?
May 14: Merge two films starring the same lead actor to make an incredible film. Describe the mashed up plot.
May 15: What’s the one line in a song that always makes you cry?
May 16: Add the word “roulette” to the town where you live to make a dangerously exciting new game. Describe this game.
May 17: You’re at the Pearly Gates. You’re down as a Maybe. What’s the one thing you could point to and say “Hey I should get into Heaven for that seed alone”?
May 18: What sitcom character do you most identify with?
May 19: What’s the most embarrassing toilet based anecdote you are prepared to share?
May 20: The world ends at midnight. You throw a small dinner party and can invite any three people you like. Who’s coming and what’s the final meal?
May 21: If you had to die in the same way as a character from a film, which way would you go?

BONUS QUESTION - Which actor do you think is underrated?

May 22: GUEST QUESTION from @twoclownseating - What unusual smell do you like/love?

May 23: What's the biggest contrast in how you've ended a day compared to how you started it?
May 24: If you had three slots on a tv channel for a day with your own content and no old repeats - what would you put on for these times - 0700-0900, 1700-1800 and 2100-2200?
May 25: GUEST QUESTION from @bpiwbig - You have just travelled back to your 11 old self at the start of the summer holidays - what would you change to make it more memorable and set you on the path to happiness?

May 26: What is the strangest gift you ever received?
May 27: GUEST QUESTION from @wedzx2003 - What was your favourite toy as a child?
May 28: Tell us about a time you came to regret using foul language
May 29: What feeling or state should there be a medical word for?
May 30: GUEST QUESTIONS from @ChapmanBaxter - What's the most mundane connection you have with a celebrity OR Who's the most famous person you didn't recognise when you met them?
May 31: Name an actor where you'd like one of their characters to be in the situation of another

June 1: GUEST QUESTION from @zellishrose - If you could put together your ultimate fantasy band/duo - who would be in it and what would they be called?
June 2: What is your worst habit?
June 3: Tell me your fantasy cover versions.
June 4: Have you ever had a phantasmagorical / spooky / haunted / supernatural experience?
June 5: GUEST QUESTION from @walshie_neil - Have you ever been caught out doing something when you thought you were alone?
June 6: Who broke your heart first?
June 7: Everyone you’ve ever met is voting to describe you in two words. One is a positive character trait, the other isn’t. What do you reckon the votes will say?
June 8: GUEST QUESTION from @Rover9495 - You can bring a dead celeb back to life, but only in the world of Corrie. Who is it and what's their storyline?
June 9: GUEST QUESTION from @k8andrews - What do you always instruct house guests not to do?
June 10: GUEST QUESTION from @NickDentsBrain - What is your Dragon's Den surefire winner?
June 11: GUEST QUESTION from @_TUMULUS - Which celebrity face off do you most want to see?

BONUS QUESTION - What is your favourite novel/short story and who would you most like to direct a movie adaptation of it?

June 12: What were the best and worst calendar years of your life?

BONUS QUESTION - What's the strangest thing a guest has done at your house?

June 13: What realistic step could you take today to start improving your life?
June 14: GUEST QUESTION from @BananaFoxJones - If you could add one rule to any sport, what would it be?
June 15: Has a seemingly trivial moment in your life actually gone on to change it?
June 16: GUEST QUESTION from @StephenMonk1970 - What is the tagline to the movie of your life?
June 17: Today I'm asking you for the people in your life who made a lasting impression despite the briefest of connections. Based on Bernstein's parasol girl memory in Citizen Kane.
June 18: Do you remember your first conversation with your best friend? What was it about?
June 19: GUEST QUESTION from @sgt_rendall - Which bold question would you ask which celeb?
June 20: If you could relive yesterday, what is the one thing you would change about your day?
June 21: We played Snog, Marry, Avoid with some photos. It was not an unparallelled success.

BONUS GUEST QUESTION from @danielson264- Fill in the gammony gap in this statement - BLANK, that's what's wrong with this country.

June 22: Do you have a lucky or unlucky number in your life and why is it so?
June 23: Presuming reincarnation is an actual thing, what or who do you think you were in the life before this one?
June 24: GUEST QUESTION from @drunkenbutcher- What's the minor character flaw that someone could have which will instantly tell you you won't be friends?

BONUS QUESTION - What's the minor personality trait that someone could have that would make you instantly want to be mates?

June 25: GUEST QUESTION from @peterglennie - Which song do you have the most extreme automatic response to, but you're not sure why?
June 26: Have you ever used a fortune teller or clairvoyant?

BONUS QUESTION - What do YOU do when you can't sleep.....?

June 27: Have you ever been a spectator at a sporting event and been hit by the ball?
June 28: GUEST QUESTION from @SparkyInTheUK - What was the first single/album you bought and do you still have it?
June 29: Have you ever walked in on someone doing something you’d rather not have seen.
June 30: If you had to have the speaking voice of a celebrity who would you a) most like to have and b) least like to have?