Monday, 5 November 2018

30 Days of Flash - #2 CLEAN

American flash fiction writer Nancy Stohlman has started up a useful writing prompt for those of us without the time or inclination to commit to the NaNoWriMo exercise.

FLASH-NANO gives those who've signed up, 30 days of prompts to put short stories down.

Day 2 was write a story that takes place in the bathroom.

Here's mine.

CLEAN


The baby lies in a basket beside the bathroom sink. A yellow woollen blanket over the top of the white all in one, the white boots, the white mittens and cap. The red scrunched face. The mother is barely out of childhood herself. The grandmother and an aunt are eating fries and drinking coffee less than fifteen feet away. Above the sink, a rota claims this bathroom was inspected by Debbie almost an hour ago.

                The baby sleeps.

                The mother wants sleep.

                Endless smothered pillow resting calm eternal quietness mercy please.

                A small white bin of sleeping pills in the tired hand.

                Loneliness.

                The mother runs the cold tap, feeling the water slip through her fingers like the rest of her life. She begins to cry and stops herself almost at once. She knows it will be quick, she knows that nothing takes too much time at this age.

                Outside she can hear the laughter of her mother.  Then steps.

                She picks up the baby for the last time.

                She kisses the baby and swallows hard.

                Sssssh, she says.

                Sssssh

Friday, 2 November 2018

30 Days of Flash - #1 - CLASTIC

American flash fiction writer Nancy Stohlman has started up a useful writing prompt for those of us without the time or inclination to commit to the NaNoWriMo exercise.

FLASH-NANO gives those who've signed up, 30 days of prompts to put short stories down.

Day 1 was write a story that begins at the end.

Here's mine.

CLASTIC



Whoosh.

                I think as it happens, that’s the last thing I’ll hear. The waves crashing over me, moving over me towards the shore as I plunge further into the craved sleep.

                The sky above me is blackening. The sea reflects the sky’s mood, sympathises too with my own. This is the way, the right way out. My feet shift and slip on the small stone planets, my eyes scamper and dart as they search for the right worlds to fill my pockets with, which empty moons to take me away from this rock. Each beach is a galaxy, my father once said. The pebbles are moons, the rocks are stars and each grain of sand is everything that ever lived within.

                Finally I see one. Smooth and silent slab of stone; into the barren pocket you go. Symmetry demands more; I bend and pick with care the right number to fit inside my trouser and coat. Not frantically, these stones will see me into the darkness, so I pick them with something almost like…no, not like that at all.

                Now I am pregnant with stone.

                I turn and look back at the town, the world. No one sees me. A car drives past but does not see, does not stop. The driver doesn’t get the chance to have my final conversation, to hear my final words. What will be the last thing I say out loud?    

                Angry rain upon the sea now. Each tiny drop invisible in flight and yet the sea feeds off this assault and grows and turns towards me as I, in turn, move towards the edge, the stones jagging against my cold flesh through the thin pocket, the sky’s tears rippling the fabric of the ancient sea.

                I giggle for a moment as the wave flirts with my feet. One step, then another. I am level with the end of the pier now. I check my pocket as I would have once for keys and money.

                Water past my feet, the cold cannot shock me now. Wading slowly into the darkness, into the water, the waves bristling against my shin, now my knees. My crutch damp with death, the heaviness of each step now making itself known to something deep within me. The rocks in my long nightshirt drag me and almost trip me, but not yet. I am not ready yet.

Walk a little further with me in the rain.

                A few more steps and we’ll be home and dry. An ecstatic stumble, at last the end. I gasp as someone I used to be reaches out but the waves are stronger now, rushing me down, drenching my face, and hunting my breaths. I’m falling, sinking, ready. Above me, above the sea I see a parting of cloud, a burst of sun, another wave, lightness, dark, lightness, dark. And the sea filling my chest, stuffing my lungs with water, turning my bones to stone, to air.

Sunday, 29 July 2018

The Kids They Are In Cages

A few weeks ago, in disbelief at the latest dark chapter in the rise of American Fascism, and in a spare 20 minutes at work, I put together an updated version of a Dylan classic

A lot of people seemed to like it. The award winning David Hughes even recorded a version of it. Got asked to post a full length version of the lyrics here. So here it is.



The Kids They Are in Cages

Come gather round people
Wherever you sit
And admit that the whole world
Has all turned to shit
And accept it that you
Played your own part in this.
If your President
Constantly rages
Then you better start praying
That he’ll soon have to quit
For the kids they are in cages.
 
Come racists and rapists
Your man’s in his lair.
Your fear of dark faces
Was what put him there.
And don’t you pretend
That you didn’t care,
That your concerns were
just for jobs and wages.
A fascist sits
In the President’s chair
And the kids
they are in cages.
 
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
The American Dream
Is as wide as it’s tall
Don’t drug tiny children
Cos you cant build a wall
Your Bibles are missing
Some pages.
The land of the free
Will be lost to us all
When the kids they are in cages.
 
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
The earth’s darkest hour
Is now close at hand
The administration’s a family band.
Tyranny, it comes on in stages.
They’ll come for you next
If you don’t take a stand
When the kids they are in cages
 
The lies are now facts
The news is now fake
A move for world peace
Is now a mistake
The values that bind us
Are now his to break.
Dictators are suddenly feted.
And you need to act quick
Before it’s too late
And your
kids they are in cages….

Monday, 23 July 2018

Monday


If I was to get up right now, tell my colleagues I was going for a long lunch, leave my desk, walk to Cardiff Central, buy a ridiculously expensive train ticket to London, grab a table seat and then wait for my personal space to be invaded by a bunch of Brexit retirees on their way to a Monday night showing of something ungodly in the West End, and have to listen to their fucking pre-paid funeral mouths screeching on about how they didn’t even know Italians played golf and how good Lidl-own gin is for cocktails, and all the while watching Tory England speed past me like an ironic montage of a country abandoning the bucolic idyll for tower blocks and cancer, and because despite being nearly 50 still feel pathetically unable to ask if I could just squeeze out for a piss and so I just hold on to it till I nearly pass out in a Paddington cubicle, if I was to then make my way to Westminster and fortuitously bump into Jacob Rees-Mogg, would it be ok if I did a massive Mick Channon-style windmill and punch the nanny-fed cunt into the Thames?

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

RIP MES


"I think it's over now, I think it's ending."

Mark E Smith, Glasgow, 2017.

Mark E Smith is dead. The Fall is dead.

You cannot separate the two. Like the man himself, it seems a marvel that it lasted as long as it did. Amphetamine and alcohol made Smith wiry and wired, and whilst his body was able to withstand the abuse, his band pummelled the senses with an astonishing catalogue of work that blurred the lines between garage rock, krautrock and bubblegum pop.
There will never be another lyricist like Smith. Despite his continual paranoia about plagiarists and notebooks, Smith’s scattergun approach was inimitable.  Lovecraft, Machen and Wyndham Lewis were heroes mentioned in interviews but there is nothing in literature quite like a great MES lyric. Part social commentary, part science fiction, all delivered in bile-powered stream-of-consciousness salvos.
And the voice. Smith was not a singer. His Salford whine was the band’s greatest weapon, adding an abrasive texture to the group’s formidable musical assault. 
I discovered the Fall for myself on Friday September 15, 1989. I was due to start at university on the Monday and had just finished my final shift at my summer job, packing organic produce for supermarkets. It was a shit job for a shit wage but it paid for my beers and my weekly splurge on records.  There was a second hand record shop on the way to the bus stop and, if I had time, a lucrative 10 minutes could be spent buying the records that cash-strapped students had given up in the term before.
The cassette album of I, Kurious Oranj, stood out on the shelf that day in its orange glow. Like a chemical accident. I had read a considerable amount about the Fall in the music press, had seen endless namechecks and live reviews. I was at the age where I was always looking for the next thing to play to my mates and having had some success amongst my peers with Pixies and Happy Mondays already that summer, maybe The Fall might be the next thing to impress them with.
The song titles offered small clues as to the unique approach of Mark E Smith. “Big New Prinz”, “Guide Me Soft” “CD Win Fall 2088 AD”.  Mangled language, gnarled syntax. I was yet to discover this was a concept album/ballet soundtrack commemorating the 300th anniversary of the Glorious Revolution. 
£3 and the tape was mine.  I missed the bus and walked home eight miles in Ceredigion drizzle.
I still remember the excitement of those first 30 seconds or so of the Fall on my Walkman. A series of uncertain handclaps, a man barking “Rocking Records, the guy’s rock records…” and then the greatest rhythm section Manchester ever produced, Hanley and Wolstencroft, kick it in.  I was hooked.
The Fall went on to soundtrack my twenties. Each year a new album usually preceded by a disappointing single, an astonishing Peel session and an NME interview which acted as an alternative State of the Nation address.  This annual ritual was something far more exciting to me than Christmas or my birthday. From hearing the screeching violin introduction to Sing Harpy in my campus pit to the sheer exuberance of Touch Sensitive in my damp bedsit, the 90s were my Peak Enjoyment of Mark E Smith years.
Eventually I begun to explore their labyrinthine back catalogue, a treasure trove of riches. Though punk had given Smith the impetus to do something, it is clear The Fall were never punk in the way the Pistols were. The Fall were indignant, different, diffident and difficult without ever resorting to shock tactics. Repetition was their schtick and somehow they stayed ahead of the pack, not so much pointing the way forward (for who can truly ape genius) as showing their peers just how far ahead they were.
And then there were the live shows. The risk factor of buying a ticket to The Fall. Because, on his day, when MES cantankerousness and contrarianism over spilled into hostility and unpleasantness, the Fall could implode before your very eyes. But it seemed worth it somehow, like walking away from your football team’s latest defeat, knowing you’d be back, a sucker for punishment. At their best (and I’ve seen them hit these heights several times), Mark E Smith was a conduit between the audience’s expectations and the band’s sheer power, a general on the field of battle, barking instructions like a Lancashire James Brown.  I’ve seen friends that were previously resistant to even the idea of The Fall converted at those special performances.
You get older, you settle down. Married, 2 kids. The usual. At first The Fall seemed a relief from all that conformity you’d allowed your life to settle into. And then, as the number of ex Fall members grew in turn with the number of ex record labels The Fall had been signed to, their power began to diminish. Smith seemed no longer capable of greatness. On stage too, resorting to fiddling with band members equipment, spoiling for a fight rather than putting on a show. The sight of a decrepit Smith, King Leer in a wheelchair, was the stuff of tragedy. The records began to suffer as MES, seemingly intent on alienating even the hardcore devotees who now made up 90% of his audience, embarked on a path of almost anti-music. 
And now he’s dead. Sixty. No age at all.  If Bowie was the mainstream rock chameleon, able to change his colours and adapt to an ever changing pop landscape, Smith was a shape-shifter – mythological, restless, sinister – the fiend with a violin, the paranoia man, the casino soul. His waltz now ended, I find myself surprisingly devastated at his final demise.  And then, just as I was with that other thin white duke, I marvel at the fullness of those years spent amongst us and stand amazed at their life’s work.
I doubt Mark’s a new face in hell now, but wherever he is, I'll raise a glass to him tonight. Thanks for all the memories, Mark. Rest in peace.

Friday, 29 December 2017

The Best 50 Beatles Songs Ever

Inspired by recent conversations on Twitter about bands you could build a steady 40 song playlist for, I decided to make a Beatles one. Anyway, I decided to listen to the Beatles and pretty much nothing else for a few hours just to see which ones I would pick.

During that, and doing some research, I found there's an awful lot of Top 50 Beatles songs out there lists. Being the saddo I am, I decided to enter all* these lists into a chart and work out what were the best 50 Beatles songs out there. Dead scientific, this. Anyway, here's the list. Can't believe You Know My Name (Look Up My Number) isn't in there....

I still haven't finished my own 40 song playlist either.

  1. A Day in the Life
  2. Strawberry Fields Forever
  3. Something
  4. Hey Jude
  5. Let It Be
  6. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
  7. In My Life
  8. Norwegian Wood
  9. Eleanor Rigby
  10. Tomorrow Never Knows
  11. Yesterday
  12. I Saw Her Standing There
  13. Ticket to Ride
  14. Here Comes The Sun
  15. I Want To Hold Your Hand
  16. Penny Lane
  17. A Hard Day's Night
  18. Help
  19. Come Together
  20. Paperback Writer
  21. Blackbird
  22. She Loves You
  23. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
  24. All You Need is Love
  25. Cant Buy Me Love
  26. Get Back
  27. All My Loving
  28. You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
  29. Abbey Road Medley
  30. Please Please Me
  31. Revolution
  32. I Am The Walrus
  33. Dear Prudence
  34. For No One
  35. We Can Work It Out
  36. Day Tripper
  37. Nowhere Man
  38. With A Little Help From My Friends
  39. Drive My Car
  40. Across the Universe
  41. Here. There and Everywhere
  42. Rain
  43. And Your Bird Can Sing
  44. Happiness Is A Warm Gun
  45. Helter Skelter
  46. Twist and Shout
  47. She Said, She Said
  48. Taxman
  49. Got to Get You Into My Life
  50. Eight Days A Week

* eight lists. That's enough data, I reckon.

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

In Praise of McFadden's Cold War



Picture this. President Reagan sat on Air Force One, reading a book. He appears engrossed. But wait, who’s that lying in a bed behind him? It’s Max Branning from East Enders. Hang on, what’s that book the late President is reading? It’s Pat Butcher’s autobiography.

Welcome to the world of McFadden’s Cold War, the funniest account on Twitter. A bricolage of modern global politics and British television – where Cilla Black is able to sit and have Christmas dinner with Kim Jong-un, where Khruschev and Eisenhower ride the streets of Washington with a young Sam Allardyce and a topless Cliff Richard. Present in most of these images, somewhere, often in a state of disarray is East Enders long suffering alcoholic wannabe gangster Phil Mitchell (as played by Steve McFadden).

McFadden’s Cold War should be Unit 101 in any Postmodernism Studies course.  Disparate images, times and cultural references are thrown together in order to both reflect the fragmented nature of society and the instant accessibility of all knowledge that the internet has afforded 21st century man.

An image of Kim Il Jung and his generals watching a successful missile launch is subverted utterly by the replacement of the on screen warhead with an image of Nick Knowles mouth-turding his way through one of his songs. Reagan’s Cabinet pose for a photo, suddenly with Harold Shipman and distressed murder suspect Christopher Jeffries amongst their number, a juxtaposition jarring enough but given extra power by the realisation that they are posing beneath a large photo of a leering Dean Gaffney. This is Orwell via Wellard.

McFadden’s Cold War plays with ideas of cultureme, chronotopes and the like in a manner of a great sorcerer. In juxtaposing the worlds of pop culture and realpolitik, he anticipated the televisual celebrity cult of President Trump. Fictional drunks become players on the world stage, statesmen are reduced to mere citizens, drinkers at the Queen Vic, readers of TV Times.  It is this pricking of pomposity at all levels that makes the pleasingly anonymous MCW such a wonderful fountain of deep belly laughter.