October
It was the last birthday card he ever bought for his wife.
He wasn’t to know it, wasn’t to know any of the things that
could happen in the next twelve months. Who amongst us truly sees the future?
The card had been selected against a number of criteria. Firstly, that it
was not in any way sentimental. Secondly, that it did not feature the word “wife” in any
way on the front of the card. Third, it did not feature teddy bears or kittens.
Fourth, it looked like some actual decision had been made to choose this card
and of course, finally, it had to come in at around the small amount of coins
in his battered wallet.
There was a small amount of shame to be had in taking the
plastic bag with the shop’s name to hold the card. But the card might get
crumpled in the inside pocket of his jacket and those looked like rain clouds
up ahead. The bag felt flimsy, cheap and reminded the man of his current
economic status.
They had once been madly in love and got married without
either of them really considering what it might take to shake the foundations
of that madness. Within a year of the confetti each had cheated on the other
without the other finding out. Things like that happen in life. A Christmas
party, too much alcohol, a feeling of wanting to try something different,
feeling dangerous. That was her story. His was another kind of boredom. An
email from an ex. Then another. Then phone calls and lies. And a hotel room
that he had let the ex pay for on her card, not his. There was no chivalry that
day, how could there be. There was only a brief feeling of excitement, and no
little shame after.
He was thinking of that afternoon now in the autumn wind.
The bag in his hand blew weakly. The man imagined a scenario where he’d already
written the birthday message and the words were being blown across the card,
leaving streaks of biro and no words of congratulation or love in their inky wake.
I only met that man the one time. He was sat next to me on
the red seat at the bus stop outside Boots. He didn’t share any of that stuff
with me, I just made it all up for this story. He had only glanced at me for a
second, nodded at the same thin bag in my hand from the same card shop as mine and
smiled in a way that unsettled me. Not then, but much later.
